Naked & Natural

Around this time last year, I had packed my bags for a weekend of relaxation and fun in Santa Cruz. It was my book club's annual retreat, and after much planning, we were all headed to a three story beach house for uplifting seminars, mixology lessons, and girl talk. The theme is always "Getting to Happy", marking it a weekend for good times and positive energy. We'd had so much fun in San Diego the previous year, so I should have been anxious and giddy with joy.

But I was the saddest I'd ever been in a while. I'd broken up with my boyfriend four days earlier. I was confused, hurt, shocked about how things had randomly flipped upside down. This was all so new. How was I supposed to go away for weekend of happiness, put a smile on my face, and pretend like all is well with the world? I was the president of the club, in charge of making sure much of what happened that weekend went smoothly, but all I really wanted to do was curl up into a corner and cry.

Earlier this year, I met up with a few friends over snacks and wine to make a vision board. It was fun, but me being forever distracted by anything new, shiny, and giggly, I hadn't glanced at my board full of life changing goals since the day it was made, ultimately failing to follow the purpose of the Vision Board: consistent visual reinforcement. Every goal on the board was something I'd promised myself to complete before 2012 was up, and here I am nine months later with my vision board chillin' in my garage. I should be ashamed!

Well, last week, I finally decided to take inventory of the goals on my board and match them up with my accomplishments:

Wear More Dresses - GOAL ACHIEVED: This may seem like a silly goal, but at the end of 2011, I looked through my closet only to find two dresses, one skirt and racks and racks of slacks and jeans. In an attempt to be more feminine, flirty, cute, and comfortable and at least try to care about how I look (because trust me, 8 days out of 10, it's really hard for me to care) I felt like playing dress up everyday would be the way to go. As soon as the summer hit, I stocked up on dresses and surprisingly, making that one small change helped me put more effort into not looking like somebody's tired grandma on a daily basis.

Pray More - GOAL NOT ACHIEVED: I'm pretty sure that I've written about my lack of consistency in my prayer life. I'll talk to God everyday for a few weeks, and then go months without serious prayer. I still may talk to Him, but not in a formal, tactical, approach, which can be very random and ineffective. My goal was to pray every morning before work/school and spend at least 10 minutes listening to Him. I have failed miserably.

Get A's - GOAL ACHIEVED: I've said this already, but I'm gonna say it again: I got straight A's last semester. Well, two A's and an A- but still... the fact that I cut out the letter "A" and pasted it on my board and actually achieved that, as hard as it was, gives me hope that I can do it again. My load is much, much heavier now than it was in the Spring, but with a few more sacrifices and a lot more determination, it can happen.

Unleash the Date Master... Again - GOAL NOT ACHIEVED: Yes, my girls laughed at me when I cut out five specific types of men and pasted them to my vision board: The Adonis, The Thug, The Intellectual, The Party Guy, and David Banner. And can you believe that not a one of them showed up? I wasn't looking for a relationship, just fun and memories and a tiny bit of cupcaking, but every man I met was hard headed, weird, difficult, slow, and soooo not worth my energy. With the summer being the only part of the year when I would have the extra time to chill with a guy, looks like this goal will never be achieved. #SBWWZO Mount Up.

Lose Weight - GOAL KINDA SORTA ACHIEVED BUT NOT REALLY: Tired of being a fat girl because clothes are always cuter in smaller sizes and my cheeks make my eyes close when I smile in pictures now. But as I've lamented time and time again on this here blog, food is my favorite enemy. The worst addiction ever. In April, I cut out alcoholic beverages (lip quiver), bread (sadness), pasta, fried food, fast food, juice, and most things sugary (stomps down the street like someone stole my bike). I started exercising regularly, packing healthy snacks, and cooking dinner almost everyday, which eventually led to losing 12 lbs. But then the summer came and what do I look like depriving myself of margaritas, mimosas, barbecue and burgers when it's hot out and every weekend is a picnic? No sir. I did, however, eat healthy enough to maintain my weight loss, but I still have 18 billion more to lose, so I'm back at it again, this time dedicating myself to a consistent running schedule (I can run at a steady pace and not fall out, vomit, and/or die now...yay!). Also adding kickboxing and cycling to my list, and I just might pay for a few sessions with a trainer so I can rev up my time in the weight room. Getting back into the habit of "no alcohol or anything remotely delicious" is going to be my biggest challenge, though.

Stop Being So Damn Shy - GOAL NOT ACHIEVED: Keep in mind, I'm an artist and I'm sensitive about my sh*t. I put a picture of a mic on my board to emphasize the fact that I need to stop being so scary about sharing my poetry at open mics and other venues. I mean, I'm a grown ass woman, dog. Time to get over that, right? But a series of mishaps prevented that from happening: arriving too late to get on the open mic list, arriving on time but the open mic being cancelled, the open mic taking a hiatus...I am at the point where my interest might have waned just enough to take this goal off my list and shoot for accomplishing it next year.

Now that I've assessed what I've accomplished and what I haven't, it's time to put a plan in place to make sure my year is as successful as I intended it to be. I need to be more deliberate in spending time listening and talking to God everyday (it's the least I can do). I need to return to my healthy eating habits from earlier this year, keep running, and start lifting, cycling, punching and kicking (I've been contemplating chronicling my efforts through a Weight Loss Wednesday series, but you all know how I am with commitment, especially with the way my #30in30 blog series bit the dust).

The Date Master goal is a no go, and the Shy Girl goal is up in the air for now. I pray, though (see, I'm praying already), that on December 31st, I'll be able to add at least two more GOAL ACHIEVED's to my list.

Got any accomplishments you want to share? Leave them in the comments below.