"But I don't ask guys for their numbers. I'm not here for that."
This is actually a good rule to follow, so I understood her hesitation. It sets a pattern and precedent that you are the hunter/chaser, and unless you're about that life (which I am not and never will be), asking a guy for his number is not the way to go.
Not only that, but as women, a lot of us don't approach men because we aren't used to rejection and can't handle it without wanting to nose dive off the Golden Gate bridge. We'd prefer the man to do all of the work: approach, introduce themselves, grab our attention with witty, flattering, and engaging convo, and ask us out.If a man is interested in you, he will most likely ask you for your contact info, but what if he doesn't notice you initially? You're both in a crowded, loud social setting surrounded by beautiful people and a myriad of other distractions, like alcohol, dancing, friends, music, and on that particular night, the Olympic track & field broadcast. It is easy to be overlooked or blend into the crowd.
And then there is the fact that he might have noticed you, but is unsure that you've noticed him. Not every man is bold enough to step to every woman that he finds attractive. Some are shy, need a little coaxing, or are just tired of being dissed.
So what do you do?
A. Use your supernatural mental ESP powers to will him over to talk to youI'll have to go with B. There are a few ways to start innocent, friendly conversations with a guy that will present him the option to take it further if he wants it to go there, without you having to deal with the shame of rejection.
B. Be proactive by approaching him WITHOUT asking him for his number
C. Stay quiet in a corner while dancing with your friends, further adding to your forever alone status*
- Smile in His Direction - some men are itching to say something to you, but they just need a sign that you're interested. Waving him down like an air traffic controller is not necessary, though. Look in his direction, smile, and return to what you were doing previously. Do it again a few minutes later, and then continue on with your night. Be careful to not stare or keep glancing at him. As women, we all know how uncomfortable it is to be eye-f*cked by someone we're totally not interested in, so save that for after he's expressed his interest. If you've made eye contact, that may be enough of a green light to bring him over. If he doesn't react by approaching you, or at least smiling back at you, then you know he isn't feeling you and you will have saved a lot of time and effort.
- Friendly Rivalry - one of the best places to meet a guy is any place where sports are involved: sports bars, sporting events, etc. Men tend to enjoy friendly competition, so take advantage of the setting. If you see him rooting for a particular team or athlete, slyly mention your team or athlete being better. Be humorous about it, and if he takes the bait, you might not be able to get him to shut up, which could be a good thing. Please know something about the sport though. If you clown his favorite baseball team for not getting any touchdowns, you're setting yourself up for failure.
- Compliment Him - what guy doesn't enjoy receiving compliments, especially from a woman he may deem attractive? In my past, I was bold enough to tell a guy that he was handsome or that I loved his dimples while walking past him, and then kept it moving, which would open the door for him to approach me at a later time if he were interested. It doesn't have to be a compliment about the physical, though. Let him know you like his shoes, or his watch is nice. And if you're worried about coming off thirsty, frame the compliment in a way that puts more emphasis on the thing you're complimenting. "I love that watch. Was thinking about buying it for my brother for his birthday." A conversation can develop from there.
- "Do I know you from somewhere..." - Don't have anything clever to say to strike up a convo? Pretend you do. Ask him if he went to a particular school, gym, church, barber, or other place where people go frequently. If he says "No", mention that he looks like someone you used to see at one of those places. If he knows someone who did frequent the place, you may have mutual friends, resulting in more conversation. If both of you are from the same city, there is no telling the things you can learn about him from pretending you know him from somewhere. I was told that this is super corny, but in my own personal experience, this approach has yielded a 96% success rate (don't ask me how I came up with that percentage).
In all of these scenarios, you are simply creating the opportunity for him to notice you and keep the conversation going. If he cuts the conversation short, it's no biggie because you haven't put yourself fully out there to be rejected. All you did was ask him where he went to school, clowned his favorite basketball team, said you liked his cuff links, or smiled in his direction, things that people do everyday. And even if he does respond, but never asks you out, his rejection won't be a REAL rejection. You can brush it off as nothing more than a quick convo with a cute guy and move on to the next.
Simple, right?
And remember, if you're shy, the approach is always 400 times easier after one or two Long Islands.
Ladies, any other tips for shy girls hoping to get a man's attention?
Men, do you now if you've ever been approached this way? Good or bad idea?
*Please note that option C was sarcasm. Sometimes we can stick to ourselves and only hang with our girls in the dimly lit corner and still be approached by guys on a regular basis. It is my personal opinion, though, that starting up a friendly conversation can always up your odds in the dating game.
7 comments:
"As women, we all know how uncomfortable it is to be eye-f*cked by someone we're totally not interested him, so save that for after he's expressed his interest."
LOL, so true! But, change him to "in".
Suga, how is it that just asking a man for his number marks a woman as a manhunter/man chaser? Doesn't is simply say you're interested? And what about exchanging numbers, saying 'I'd love to see you again?' Isn't that clear and open-ended, not suggesting that you're ready to have his babies, just want to see him again?
I met my wonderful husband in a disco, where it was noisy and busy and hard to get to know each other. We exchanged numbers; a second meeting was necessary in order for us to have any kind of real conversation and get to know each other without screaming over disco music. He had made the firt move by asking me to dance (which still amazes me, as he is not a dancer by nature!) He was glad I mentioned wanting to see him again, because he was feeling shy and certain that he wouldn't ever build the nerve to ask for my number if I hadn't spoken first. This was 1981, girl. We're still happy.
Good post! Interested to see if and what any of your mail readers will have to say!
@Unknown aka Lydia, I think there are always exceptions to the rule, but in keeping in line with what I've learned in dating, I wholeheartedly believe in gender roles with the man initiating and leading the pursuit. Following that line of thinking has caused me to miss out on a lot of heartache and ridiculousness; ignoring it has resulted in nothing but BS for me. I've also had men let me know that women initiating everything, took away the thrill of the chase and changed the dynamic, which didnt always sit well with them.
But I think everyone should do what makes them happy and what's best for their dating/love life.
I tell you what, I'm not the prettiest woman, but men like me. I smile and speak and the next you know he's asking for my #. While the next chick is being too cute and don't want to make the first move, I'm flashing pearly whites and he's walking over.
I had a friend who was very pretty and she knew it. We went somewhere and she was like you got more #'s than me. I told her cuz you was over there acting like you were too cute to even smile at dudes.
So tell your girls to keep it up, that's more for me! And I live in Union City, so we just might end up in the same club! lol
Asking a man for his number won't turn you into a pillar of salt. That's just an egotistical social rule women hold dear. We men always like who like us, and not in just one way either.
@Soul Brother: it is not egotistical, but it does fall back on gender rules that some of us still hold on to. There are plenty of men who prefer the chase. If you are a man who doesn't, no problem. im sure there are women who don't mind approaching you if they so desire.
This "We men always like who like us...", however, is a bold faced lie and I won't stand for it. lol Men, as a whole, do not have such low standards as to like every woman who approaches them. They may like every cute woman, every woman with a banging body or a pretty smile, but not every single woman. Who do you think you're foolin? lol
Post a Comment